The Amazing Miracle Mystery Squash

After clearing away the brown wreckage of my month-long, mid-summer absence from my garden plot, I was left with one eggplant bush, two pepper plants, a few bedraggled bean plants that were being mercilessly attacked by Mexican bean beetles, a ton of insanely vigorous basil, a lot of empty space, and one tiny squash seedling that had somehow started to grow, despite the fact that I had not planted it. I decided to let it stay, and see what happened. That single vine has spread to cover half my plot, and threatens to entirely take over if the squash bugs and cucumber beetles don't kill it first. (They have quite a battle on their hands, because this vine obviously wants to live. )

I'm not sure what kind of squash it is. They are shaped like yellow crooknecks, but are smooth, and colored pale green, with faint white stripes. The flesh inside is a very pale, creamy orange. I cooked them with some onions for dinner tonight, and was delighted with how squashy they tasted. Sometimes when I cook summer squash, it just doesn't taste like anything. I think the key is to get young squash, with the dried up remnants of the squash blossom still intact on the end of the squash. Sometimes you can find them like this in the farmers' market, so if you do, go for it. That said, I do think these squash are unusually tasty, so if my vine does survive the Southern onslaught of insect pestilence, I'll try to let a few squash mature so that I can save the seeds and plant them on purpose next year.

Yellow crookneck squash stewed with onions is a traditional Southern dish. The traditional method cooks the onions and squash down to a tender mush. I believe mush has its place in the pantheon of vegetable cookery, but I wasn't in the mood for it, so I decided to give my squash and onions wok hai instead. (Check out the link – it gets quite esoteric. For my purposes, I'll just say the dish had the taste of the wok seasoning, and the vegetables didn't have the bejeesus cooked out of them. They were nice and firm. Sad to say, you really do need a wok to achieve wok hai, but if you don't have one, it's not the end of the world. Just do the best you can with whatever skillet you have, and it'll still taste good.)

 I then used the squash and onions in a dish I dubbed Three Sisters Tacos, which were corn tortillas filled with cooked dried lima beans (seasoned with onion and smoked paprika), corn, the aforementioned squash, chopped cucumbers, chives, chipotle pepper sour cream, and a dash of Tabasco sauce for good measure. (Oh, and in case you don't know, Three Sisters refers to the Native American agricultural triad of corn, beans, and squash.) The older daughter was skeptical about the squash, but ended up liking it and eating a full portion of everything, though not all on the taco. The younger daughter refused everything, and had leftover pizza. Ah well, she'll come around someday. And if not, one out of two ain't bad.

Wok Hai Miracle Mystery Squash and Onions
This is my general method. Put some canola oil in a wok and heat to very hot. Thinly slice half an onion, and add to hot wok, stirring frequently. Cook the onions for a few minutes, then add about three cups worth of squash chopped into one-inch pieces, and a generous amount of salt. Cook, stirring frequently, until the squash reaches the desired level of doneness. I like it to be fairly firm. Add a few dashes of sherry vinegar, black pepper and more salt to taste if needed. Stir to combine, and serve. Go very light on the sherry vinegar; you don't want to taste vinegar, just brighten the flavors.