Crackers Worth a Fortune

My kids can put away a lot of crackers. It chagrins me to say I may have spent more money on crackers than any other food in the past four years. It chagrins me to say this because making crackers is so easy, and so much cheaper than buying them. They are just ridiculously cheap when you make them yourself. You can even add fancy stuff to them, and make them into sophisticated adult snacks, like the $6 bag of highfalutin crackers you see at the gourmet food store, but never buy because you don’t want to pay $6 for crackers. And might I add, they taste far better than any lowfalutin crackers you can find.

Anyway, we were out of crackers. My girl wanted some. I happened to come across the olive oil crackers on Rachel Eats, and showed my girl the pictures. She calmly stated that we were going to make them “right now.” I agreed. I measured, and she added the ingredients, we took turns stirring, and then I gave her her own small piece of dough to knead, and make into “little tiny baby crackers.” Yes, flour was spilled, yes, oil was smeared, and yes, we had differences of opinion regarding the merits of letting the dough rest while we retrieved her older sister from school. We fortunately overcame our differences, managed to pick up her sister from school, and came back and rolled the crackers out using my pasta maker, which had been collecting dust in my cabinet above the fridge for several years. I honestly hadn’t used it since before my kids were born. I don’t know why – they loved turning the crank on that thing. It's the real version of a Play-Doh toy. We’re definitely keeping it out, and pasta will happen soon. (The pasta maker was an indulgence from my pre-kid, pre-husband-in-graduate-school, pre-socioeconomic-collapse years. If you don’t have one, that’s OK. A regular old rolling pin will work just fine. Just try to roll the dough out as thin as you can – your crackers will be more crisp. A pasta maker makes this a little easier, I think. I can't take credit for this brilliant idea, however. The credit goes to Heidi Swanson of 101 Cookbooks, whose recipe for olive oil crackers I also consulted.)

Rachel’s recipe for olive oil crackers is based in the metric system. I was too lazy to convert it, so I looked to Heidi's recipe for guidance. I think either recipe would be perfect, though I followed neither one of them perfectly. But our crackers turned out perfect in their own way, and as proof, were completely gone within 24 hours. It might be good to make a double batch, so you have some to store for a little while at least.

This is a good recipe for making with children. It’s so simple, you don’t have to think too much, thus it’s hard to screw up because you got distracted. We made plain, “kid” crackers, and fancier “adult” crackers, which were simply kid crackers removed from the oven, brushed lightly with olive oil, and sprinkled with zatar. I know that sounds like the name of an alien in a cheesy B-grade sci-fi movie, but it’s actually the name of a condiment. It’s a Middle Eastern mixture of thyme, sesame seeds, sumac (for tartness), and salt. It’s really, really good. You can make your own if you can’t find it. Or just brush the crackers with a little garlic-infused olive oil, or sprinkle rosemary, or bake with a little grated cheese on top, or whatever.

Olive Oil Crackers
(adapted from Rachel Eats and 101 Cookbooks)

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour
1 teaspoon fine-grain sea salt
1 cup warm water
1/3 cup extra virgin olive oil
(more olive oil and zatar, optional)

In a large bowl, fully combine the flours and salt. Add the warm water and olive oil, and stir until combined as much as possible, then use your hands to bring everything together into one large mass of dough. Place dough on a floured work surface, and knead for approximately 7 minutes. Divide dough into 12 pieces rolled into balls. Coat each ball of dough lightly with olive oil, and set aside to rest under a clean dish towel for 30 minutes to 1 hour. (We let ours rest for 2.5 hours due to a side journey to the park, and everything was fine.)

While the dough is resting, preheat your oven to 450 degrees. Flatten each ball of dough and, using a pasta maker, roll out each piece into a long, rectangular-ish shape, very thin. We rolled ours out to the number 5 thickness on the pasta maker. Next time, I might see if the dough could stand the number 6 setting, though that might be pushing it a little too far. Or, use a rolling pin and roll the dough as thin as possible. Set the rolled out dough on a floured baking sheet, and use a fork to poke several little holes into it, to prevent large air bubbles. (My three-year-old was a little over-zealous with the hole poking, but it did not seem to affect the final product.) Bake in small batches, until crackers are golden, but not brown. Mine took about 10 minutes, but the time will vary depending on your oven, and the thickness of your dough. Watch them carefully, as there's a fine line here between being done and being burnt.

If you are also making "tiny little baby crackers," you may want to bake them separately, since they will take less time to bake.

After removing the crackers from the oven, brush with more olive oil and sprinkle with zatar if you wish. You can also shatter them into smaller pieces so you aren't eating one giant cracker. Serve with hummus, or herbed cream cheese, or anything good.